Doubts
One of my favourite all time companion is doubts. Doubts were the insidious nagging thoughts that questioned every belief and dogma I had since I had a rationalizing mind from childhood days. I used to struggle with them till my mind ache.
These days, I welcome them. I notice they are there and I say to them “hi, nice of u to drop in … help yourself to some cakes and biscuits. Sorry I can’t entertain you, u see, I’ve got more useful things to do …”
So I do. I have more useful things to do - then to doubt. When in doubt … rest and relax. The more we relax the more nonchalant we become. The more relax we are the less seriously we take things to be. Angels fly cos’ they take themselves lightly.
Really it’s all small stuff. There is a beautiful book called “Don’t sweat the small stuff” by Richard and Kristine Carlson. It’s all small stuff. The need to be perfect, the need to follow your ideals can be enslaving and a double edged sword. Really, that’s how doubts arise. If there is no need to know then there is no need to doubt … who gives a rats if its right or wrong?
What’s more important is … is it useful for your current mood at the moment. If the damn thing is causing you a headache, then drop it. Come back to it when you are ready, calm. Better still don’t come back at all if it’s not useful and serves no purpose in the good of others.
If it doesn’t serve you any good, it would serve others any good either. If it doesn’t do good to you and others… kiss it good bye.
When the Buddha was asked about God, the enlightened one said nothing. He kept his silence. That is the perfect answer. He kept his silence because he didn’t know? Try again. In zen, if it is not useful or appropriate for that particular time… the answer is always silence.
Counter doubts with loving silence. Watch and witness it but don’t give it any attention. Whatever you give attention to expands. Distractions are great. For once something is noticed as distraction or doubts or unhelpful, that is the first step. The first step is that you distance and detach yourself from these negative energies. Identify them and then show them the door out.
When you are aware of your self-attachments to email, mobile phones, laptops, beautiful women, money, worries, physical appearances, family, kids, impression of yourself to others,…. Anything else that I’ve left out? Mainly, ego.
Ego is the idea of what you have of yourself. When you die, your ego dies. Your current identity dies. You don’t die. You cannot. The real you goes on form to form until you realise that the many forms you experience is a path for you to self-realise to a higher consciousness to a higher realm or higher dimension. Now try googling that. Identity is attachment to self. Attachment to ego – self cherishing causes all suffering. Piss that off and you get bliss. Guaranteed.
In the yoga of Jesus, Paramahansa Yogananda explains it quite well how our main man Jesus did it. Without going through all the hoohahs, you must admit Jesus is one cool dude who cheated and laughed at death. Yogananda himself when he passed on after 20 days his corpse still remained as he looked when he casted off his body.
In Living with the Himalayan masters, Swami Rama admits that Jesus studied and meditated among the sages and swamis in India and Himalaya. Look, the point is… forget about following his footsteps … seek what he sought and experience what he has to offer.
The cool dude himself said “greater things can you do than i… for those who do the work of my Father” … john 14:12. Deepak Chopra calls it synchronicity … I call it using your vulnerability and humanness/helplessness to trust the universe to aid you in that particular moment when you are in deep shit. The intention is pure and in utter desperation you have no choice but to trust the universal intelligence and the cosmic forces at work.
Christ consciousness is developed through intuition. Through meditation, quietness, time alone in reflection, no-thoughtness, just a trusting, a knowing and understanding flows. Even non-understanding is good. For in non-understanding comes the unknowable – hence the Tao.
The Tao is ineffable, indescribable and completely languageless. I used to fret about my English all the time, trying to pronounce this or that word … trying to find the meaning of this or that word… its spelling, its exact meaning…
Nevermind its meaning because different people interpret it differently anyway and perception differs with the perceiver as in Quantum Physics. We see and perceive what we want to see or perceive – essence of Quantum Physics. Nothing is what it seems to be because we are all fluxes of energies anyway.
If that’s too deep, may be you need to see a ghost for yourself to dispel all your doubts about the spirit realm. Maybe you need to be shocked out of your pants when you meet a ghost or spirit who voluntarily spooks you for the hell of it. Don’t ask me cos I witnessed an exorcism when I was a teenager in a camp in Genting Highlands.
These days my consciousness have evolve so much that if another exorcism comes my way I would go get a couple of true fair dinkum (Aussie slang for the real deal) spiritual people full of love and compassion to drown the evil spirit in ultimate kindness, selfless loving compassion and see the evil spirit transform to a good one in no time. Has it been done?
Of course it has. It happens everyday. Everywhere. It start in your heart. Forget the mind … you can’t solve anything there, drown it all in your heart and let your heart embrace all hurt, demons, doubts, negativity … in surrender, in rest, in space, and a little time to conjure up awareness and mindfulness… a little wholistic approach … plenty of trust in the present moment and wallah …you get a yourself a tame one. The only thing greater than the power of the mind (mara) is the courage of the heart.
I remember Kylie Chan’s novels … how in chinese mythology one can tame demons to servants. May be it’s a bit like that. Only art is loving kindness and unconditional loving kindness to overwhelm and melt all evil. A mother’s unconditional love for her child is enough to dispel the most evil of evil. This love is pure and selfless. And in beginless time, who knows how many mothers we’ve had … we are all one … parts of a big whole anyway.
Individuality is freedom of expression and creativity in action. Personality is for social uses only and can cause peer pressure at times. Beautifully put by Osho. Here is a radical who will tell a potential suicide case – if you want to die then quickly do it if you have the guts. Otherwise while you are hesitating to cut that wrist of yours, consider or try breathing it through … try taking that one step at a time in the present moment to relax and make yourself feel better … then if after that you still think suicide …
Never born, never died. Birth and death are just 2 comas, in a very long sentence. They are like night and day. The day we are born, we start getting older…. The day we face death before it happens and laugh at it, we get younger.
Still doubt? You only have to try. Nothing to lose – everything to gain. Now everytime doubt arise use it as a springboard or a stepping stone to faith and trust. They are only sign posts that say “wrong way… go back”.
